there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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