What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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