I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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