Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
