Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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