I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
