I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I met the friendliest cop last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
