Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
