I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
