we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
