remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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