TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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