I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
