Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
