just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am available for nakedness
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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