A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
