Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
