i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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