He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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