Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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