but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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