I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
