I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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