he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
