I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
