I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
