You work out of a Hotel?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
