it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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