How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
