I wanna passion pit in your ass
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
