Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
