Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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