put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
