i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
