My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my being single is dangerous.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
