May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
