I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
