My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
