So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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