dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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