Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
