Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
