should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
