I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His nipple licking is glorious
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