Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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