last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
