wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
