Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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