I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
