i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
