Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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