well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
